Thursday, April 12, 2012

The Responsibility of Trust

I am the first to admit I'm not always the most trusting person in real life.  Maybe that's age, or experience -- maybe in the end it's just human nature.  For me, it might come from living an urban lifestyle most of my adult life.  Maybe it's from the impressions of folks I've known -- for instance, years ago I was as an administrative assistant on an investment institution's trading floor.  I worked for a grumpy, but wise trader, who would repeatedly say "Trust NO ONE!"  It's certainly sound business advice.  Maybe my trust issues have something to do with how I was raised.  I mean, my mother is convinced EVERYONE is up to no good.  Plus, I grew up in a religious home -- and somehow instead of accepting everything I was told to believe at face value I became determined to discover for myself WHY and WHAT needed to be true.  Who knows where it starts?  But one thing is for sure -- for me, investigation started early.  And for the record, I'm fortunate to say...nothing exceptionally terrible has happened in my life that could be considered the SOURCE of mistrust -- just your average wisdom gained by a few "mistakes" -- but like many folks, somewhere along the way I discovered I'm a very suspicious person.  EXCEPT when I'm acting. 

Trust is an extremely difficult thing to give, an even harder thing to earn, and an almost impossible thing to regain once lost -- BUT as actors it's essential and DEMANDED of us from the very start of our lifelong artistic journey to each creative project we embark on as collaborative members.  Trust is a very unique component to Acting and the Performing Arts.  Primarily because Acting and the Performing Arts are ALWAYS A COLLABORATION.  You are never alone in your creativity.  As a result TRUST is one of the more mysterious events that occur in the process.  Immediately the work throws you into a place that commands trust.  Trust in yourself and complete trust in your colleagues.  It's almost as if by stepping in to a rehearsal with another actor -- a STRANGER often -- time and experience compress to the point you feel as if you've known each other for years.  Maybe the phenomenon is similar to an actor's awareness and there are levels and layers to trust.  Maybe this is just some professional "degree" of trust that allows us to work so well together.  A special TYPE of trust that allows us to connect on such a personal level and still keep a safe emotionally real world distance?  Maybe there is some crazy psychological connection between trust and emotions that is triggered by deep commitment to your imaginary circumstances?  Maybe it is an illusion of trust created as a by-product to fully committing to the imaginary circumstances?  Maybe it is that someplace deep down we know no matter what happens acting is never reality and therefore trusting other actors is easy?  Whatever IT is it creates a quick and personal bond between actors.  And how quickly IT binds each of us together is often consider by many civilians as suspicious.  Still IT is something very specific and essential to our art form.      

Imagine that you are an independent artist.  If you are a painter or a writer working solo then you have to have faith in your abilities.  You have to trust that your vision or perspective is true to your voice.  You have to have faith that your audience will accept your art with open and objective arms -- and if they don't -- you have to trust in yourself and never stop believing.  There may be mentor, colleague feedback, or friendly advice that you consider valuable -- and you may have a great deal of trust in those sources and that their advice has you/your art's best interests at heart.  BUT your creativity is not DEPENDENT on trusting their advice.  You can take it or leave it and your art will still stand or fall on its own.

But as an actor we have NO CHOICE but to place our trust in our fellow actors -- our creative partners.  We cannot create WITHOUT each other.  On a basic level we have to trust that they are doing their OWN work.  We have to trust that they are learning their lines, blocking, and cues -- that they are doing their job so we can focus on doing ours.  We have to trust that they will be open to all the potential choices that we will offer.  We have to trust they will not be judgmental or critical of our experiments in rehearsal.  And we have to trust that they will handle all our emotional vulnerability with respect and dignity.

Even more important is an actor's trust in the director.  At the end of the day we do not have the luxury OR objectivity of an artist who's art is made outside of themselves.  We cannot step back and look at the painting from across the room.  We cannot walk around our sculpture to confirm the story is told on all sides.  Sure we can AND DO make many observations internally to adjust our performance/creation but internal sensations are often clouded by our personal preferences.  Not to mention that the majority of the time our inner critic is distracted from being worked over by our ego and fears.  Word of CAUTION: It's worth mentioning again -- if you allow it; your ego and fears will keep you SAFE and UNINTERESTING.  Always take risks!  What we FEEL is not always what comes across -- or what is communicated.  We cannot truly KNOW how our performance is being received because we cannot SEE it.  AND if we ARE more focused on how our performance is being received then all our energy is falling back onto our self.  You can never fulfill your creation OR purpose to the story if your acting is the center of your attention.  In fact, when all your focus is on yourself then your performance is worse than safe and uninteresting -- it's SELF INDULGENT.  This is why placing your trust in the director will always equal FREEDOM.  Your trust will send fear packing and redirect your focus to doing the job of fulfilling tasks.

So it's safe to say that GIVING trust is fundamental to acting.  It is a fact driven into us from the very beginning of our practice.  But what about EARNING trust?  Obviously it goes without saying that if you are learning to trust you will in turn learn how to gain trust.  But I think too often it is assumed that you will do the right thing WITH that trust.  Not everyone does.

This got me thinking.  As mentioned above, when we enter creation with our fellow cast members and creative team we place our vulnerable and fragile creativity in each of their hands.  We trust that they will treat it with the utmost respect.  Now reflect on what it means to be on the receiving end of that trust.  In the most basic trust fall exercises if you are catching then you are responsible for the actual PHYSICAL safety of your partners.  This is an obvious example of how responsible you have to be with the trust placed in your hands.  Literally!  And just like the trust fall you may find yourself in performance responsible for your fellow actor's physical wellbeing.  But what about the responsibility when you are given your fellow actor's emotional and creative trust?  I think too often we overlook the dangers that can occur when this trust is lost or abused.  I think we have all worked with a few actors or known friends who've worked with actors who took advantage of this trust.  Like those artistic predators who blur the lines of creator and creation for their own selfish PERSONAL wants.  Or those who prey on someone's vulnerability to glorify their own performance.  It's disgusting and it cheapens who we are.  Just to be clear THIS is not a morality post.  Who you are and what you do in your REAL LIFE is your business BUT when you join a creative collective there IS a higher artistic moral code.  Your colleagues open up their most protected parts of themselves to you -- their emotional vulnerability, their creative spirit -- and you have a responsibility to ensure that protection is extended through you and your work.  You don't have to agree with everything placed in your care.  You may have different tastes/aesthetics than what is offered.  You don't even have to like or trust or be friends OUTSIDE of the work BUT your differences should never diminish the responsibility to keep what is given to you safe. 

Think about what your creativity means to you.  It is something precious and so personal because it comes out of you.  Created FROM you.  And the more truthful the creation is the greater the risk.  So just as you offer your creative gifts to your colleagues with trust they will handle it with respect -- in turn you must accept their creativity with the same care that you expect to be given to yours.  To me it's as if someone is giving you a priceless family heirloom.  Or a deep and personal secrete.  I think this is where the bond originates.  Because not only are you thrown into an experience that demands you to give your trust but you are instantly responsible for those around you -- YOU are now accountable.  The bond is quick because it evokes the intimate responsibilities of family. 

Perhaps this comes across as self-righteous or artsy fartsy to some.  Maybe it IS.  But the truth is that actors have to realize the great responsibilities that come with the job.  We open Pandora's Box with our imaginations.  We spend hours upon hours conditioning ourselves to be open channels of creativity.  We focus our artistic evolution to always say YES and even though we KNOW that our creations are never real we still dabble with mixing the waters of fiction and reality.  And since we do this in collaboration with others the responsibilities are that much more important.  As actors we all enjoy the instant gratification that comes from an audiences' acceptance of a strongly fulfilled performance.  But the truth is that independent gratification would never be possible without the complete support -- both given and received -- by you and your fellow actors.   It's understandable that learning to trust in yourself and your creative partners is a difficult task.  You may have personal challenges that create obstacles.  That's OK!  Allowing yourself to be artistically vulnerable in the hands of others is a lifelong process that is constantly changing.  The more you learn to trust the more fulfilled your work will become.  But how you accept trust should be easy.  Make the choice to be responsible with what others give you.  Make the choice to value your colleague's creativity as much as your own.  Make the choice to let the work be greater than you and you might just discover how easy trust can be.

2 comments:

  1. I like this very much...and (if you are looking for feedback of this nature) really enjoy your more personal posts. I think you bring up an interesting point here...and now that I'm thinking about it...maybe that whole TRUST thing is responsible for some of the angst we have as actors in the first place: you get a gig, you go in and immediately have to tear down the walls and offer trust to a whole group of people, some of whom you've never met before, and here you are in a position of vulnerablity...really personal vulnerability...in an artificially created universe. AND THEN IT'S OVER IN SIX WEEKS AND YOU DO THE WHOLE THING AGAIN. At the very least it explains the phenomenon of the "show-mance"

    Great post!!!

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    1. Thanks for your Comment Quite. AND for the great feedback! I think this also plays a part in the Post Show Blues. I’ve even run into actors years after working together and it feels almost like running into an “EX.” There is that residual sensation of closeness but now you are both onto other things so it feels like that relationship was an illusion. Maybe it is also just one of the weird conditioning effects of acting?

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