Friday, May 31, 2013

REJECTION!!!

I'm back in Brooklyn after an amazing year away from home.  I was incredibly fortunate to spend that time with the wonderful folks in the Department of Theatre at the University of Minnesota in Duluth.  And even MORE fortunate to have an unbelievably supportive and understanding wife...who held down the fort while I was away!

I cannot say enough about the heart and soul of these young artists.  As a professional going into academia my goals were simple...to share my beliefs, experiences, and do what I can to influence strong aesthetics in the evolution of the art form.  In other words, to take the time to share and create with the next generation, who will no doubt carry the torch high and proud!  Well these folks are already doing that!  And I was blown away by their eagerness and hunger for knowledge and experience.  And honestly...how could you NOT be at that age.  But really how could all of us not be at ANY age!!

Still, in my final days in D-Town I was involved in an audition/interview process that delivered, on the surface, only two polarized outcomes.  Acceptance or Rejection.  Now I know rejection.  I mean I KNOW it.  I don't think it's possible to be alive and not experience rejection on regular bases but as an actor of over 20 years...rejection becomes a way of life.  Now when you are IN it then it is only about YOU.  It’s personal.  It’s crushing.  It’s isolating.  And downright embarrassing.  Suddenly there are so many WHY questions flying through your head...and it doesn't even matter that there may never be or could possibly be a justifiably "right" answer to sooth your busted soul.  Yet still it's always...ALWAYS personal.  But is there a way it could ever NOT be personal?  Should it never be personal?  It's obvious, the way we take rejection so personally, is clearly a reflection of how much we care or value that which we are being rejected from.  And if it WASN'T personal then why would we care??  And yet, when I think about some of my most amazing rejections...that stung like HELL...if those rejections had not occurred then the amazing things that took their place down the road would never have existed. 

It's hard for me not to think about LOVE when I think about rejection.  I would guess, probably because those were the most personal rejections, where the WHYS always seem to circle me not being “whatever” enough.  And you know what...sometimes they were exactly THAT and I was rejected justifiably so.  But sometimes there were reasons beyond mine or the other party/parties understanding.  There were external circumstances.  There were just too many variables to answer WHY.  But I can tell you right here and now...if I didn't have those rejections of love in my past then I would have never met my amazing wife.  So as I thought about rejection in a larger artistic sense both as a professor and a person sitting in a more proverbial "rejecter" position, I couldn't help but look for the upside.  And the simplest truth is rejection is no different than the best acceptance...BOTH are just the beginning of the NEXT thing.  Now how is it when I've been faced with rejection time and time again I couldn't see this?  OH right!  Because my ego was a big fat pussy!  Now, I certainly don’t mean to play stupid, we all know there will ALWAYS be that first sting…but that doesn't mean it has to last.  You can either let rejection beat you up or you can let rejection inform your way.  Maybe there is nothing to learn from a rejection...maybe it's just one of those things where there is no WHY and therefore not worth your time or sorrow.  But maybe if you have an honest chat with yourself and learn something from rejection then you could be off in a wonderful new direction.  You could change something in yourself or make an adjustment for the next opportunity.  I say it all the time..."you can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs!"  But the worst thing you can do is let rejection slow you down or worst...bring you to an artistic HALT!  And I've felt that.  I've let rejection become so personal that I stopped taking risks and stopped living.  There is nothing good in that!  Rejection is NEVER a full stop.  It’s a RE-DIRECTION.  It's like those annoying satellite navigation machines...you know, when you miss the turn the voice always says RECALCULATING.  It’s annoying as hell but it doesn’t mean you pull over or just turn around and go home!  There's never only one way to get somewhere!