Cleaning House -- Artistic Doubt!

This past weekend I was doing some cleaning.  Mostly PURGING.  Attempting to take back the apartment and cure my Hording Stage-One phase!  In the process, I came across a dusty box with, amongst other things, this famous quote typed out on a small piece of paper.  It was crusty with bits of tape on the edges.  And I remembered that I once had it displayed on my monitor at work for inspiration.  So I thought THIS must be shared on the AP!  Maybe you've read it or heard it before BUT it never hurts to hear inspiring words over and over again.  And these are worth the second look!

"There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique...

And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium: and will be lost. The world will not have it.  It is not your business to determine how good it is, nor how it compares with other expressions.  It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly--to keep the channel open.  You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work.  You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you.

Keep the channel open.

No artist is pleased.  There is no satisfaction whatever at any time.  There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than others."

--Martha Graham to Agnes de Mille / De Mille

I was thinking back and trying to remember how I discovered this quote.  Sadly, I couldn't!  My first thoughts were to a truly inspiring mentor of mine from grad school who was always offering up wise words from Martha Graham so I want to think I heard it from him--but honestly, I believe I was probably sitting at my computer screen, while phones rang all around me, down in the dumps thinking something dramatic like -- HOW can I still call myself an artist when I answer phones for a living?  How can I keep inspired when all my energy is dedicated to student loan payments, and rent, and credit card bills?  How can I continue to believe in who I think I am?  How can I preserve my identity?  Doubt has a funny way of creeping into our lives at every turn, doesn't it?

Since I just had this quote on a scrap of paper I wanted to know more about it and --"Thank you Google"-- I found more.  As the story goes Martha's words of inspiration were to Agnes de Mille.  De Mille believed that her scale of artistic values had become untrustworthy based on staggering success from what she thought was mediocre work.  In her words she "had a burning desire to be excellent, but no faith that I could be."  While Martha Graham is speaking directly to De Mille's lack faith and judgment her words carry far beyond their conversation.  We all lose faith at some point or another.  Faith in our abilities.  Faith in our purpose.  Faith in who we are.  And that's OK.  Sometimes you have to stop to catch your breath before you can carry on.  Sometime you need someone to remind you everything is going to be ok.  And sometimes you need someone to kick you in the rear and tell you to suck it up!  But what inspires me most about Ms. Graham's words are how they break it down so simply...just KEEP THE CHANNEL OPEN. 

There are plenty of people out there to judge your abilities and define your success FOR you...DON'T listen to them.  Take what you need to learn and grow--take what is helpful but don't take to heart anything that closes or BLOCKS that channel!! 

As we all know--or if you are new to acting and art you will discover--your career and art can have many highs and lows.  But honestly LIVING has many highs and lows...SO it's really just all part of the gig!  The joy is in the DOING.  Keep DOING.  Keep PRODUCING.  Keep the channel open!  And have faith in the blessed unrest that keeps you marching and makes you more alive than others!