These days I'm in rehearsal for a Shakespeare project. I'll be honest, it's been some time since I worked with verse. And I've discovered I'm NOT yet immune to some of those familiar feelings we actors all wrestle with...ANXIETY...DOUBT...FEAR. So it only seems appropriate for me to rummage around and use THIS opportunity to reflect/share how ALL this relates to an actor's development.
First off, there is no doubt in my mind if you have been reckless enough to chose the life of an actor/artist and then STICK with it for better or for worse then it's for love. Even if you are new to pangs of love and haven't been able to articulate yet WHAT those butterflies ARE down there in your soft bits...it's LOVE all the same. And as we all romantically imagine, if you love something with so much devotion then NOTHING can prevent you from fulfilling your ACTS of love. Yet time and time again we let ourselves and others get in the way of our fulfilment. So why do we do it? ESPECIALLY since we know what it is -- right?
FEAR. Plain and simple. It's no secret. There's no mystery to WHY we stumble. Its fear, doubt, and all the other fictional emotions that haunt us in the dark. I'm sure I sound like a broken record and every acting class you take or book you read will cover "STAGE FRIGHT" and offer means to overcome it. It is a major obstacle for even the surest actor. But remember -- and as I've said before it before and I'll say again -- over coming your fear in order to do what you love GIVES what you love VALUE! Fear of failure is to your artistic life as death is to your real life. It's always going to be there but you don't have to wall yourself up at home so nothing bad will ever happen! Even better, a creative failure -- if there even IS such a thing -- isn't the end of the world. Life GOES on. Creation GOES on.
SIDEBAR -- As actors we are always encouraged to take risks with our choices. You know...BE BOLD!! But from start to finish THAT is exactly what acting IS! A RISK! Every time! Creating a Character with all of our imagination and vulnerability is risky business. There are no certainties with risk. Ever. The word itself conjures up feelings of anxiety! By simply TAKING a risk you are forced to accept at any moment it could go terribly wrong. And yet we still take the risk in hopes of HIGH rewards. Because we HAVE to. Artistic fulfillment is ALWAYS a risk worth taking. So if we accept the dangers of a risk then why do we fear the consequences so much? Why do we allow that fear to spoil the enjoyment of the risk?
This all got me thinking and that got me talking and soon I was having conversations with fellow actors about how to change this and the answer is fairly simple. Certainly nothing new or original even! But what if we could start at the inception of the acting impulse? What if we could create a way to prevent fear from even getting a foothold? What if we could simply see EVERY TIME we act as an "OPPORTUNITY TO SHARE YOU?" Because it is. It is an opportunity to share your creation. It is an opportunity to tell your version of the story. It is an opportunity to tell that story the ONLY way you can tell it. It is an opportunity to share it through your eyes with all your unique qualities. Every actor wants to be "special." We all want to STAND out in the crowd but the only way to do that...the only way to BE "special" is WHEN you use each opportunity to share with the audience your unique perspective. If you are afraid to share YOUR perspective then you have no FAITH in YOUR perspective. If you let fear steal your confidence then somewhere you have decided that the universe isn't interested in what you have to say...the audience doesn't care to hear or see your creation...and no one is really interested in you. But in truth-- THEY ARE! Yes, not everyone in the universe will agree with your perspective. So what? That doesn't matter! You can't control what everyone will think. NOR is it an actor's JOB to do so. But it IS an actor's job to seize story telling opportunities!
A WORD OF CAUTION -- I would argue in acting there is a delicate balancing act of both personal and technical elements. And your EGO will weigh in the most. To create bold characters takes risks. To take risks takes courage and confidence. Don't mistake courage and confidence for arrogance and inflated self importance. Sadly we witness poor behavior encouraged ALL the time. Egos are grossly stroked to build confidence to cut corners to capture that "perfect" realistic vulnerable moment. Actors abuse direction out of insecurities. And the cycle spirals to promote petty STARS and DIVA behavior. While it's always important to encourage the uniqueness of your qualities it is just as crucial to remember that acting is never about your Actor/Self. Fight for the Character. Not for yourself. Remember your creation is only as alive as the world it co-exists in. We all have the potential to give in to the dark side but don't. Fight it. Don't be "That Guy." Be strong, smart, confident actors! Don't be a cliche. Be sure of yourself. Be sure of your choices. And don't take direction or criticism personally.
The other thing to remember about opportunities is that sometimes they are there -- sometimes they are not. When you start out on your acting journey you might be in a studio or academic setting and those opportunities will be abundant. You will be exhausted from all the opportunities! But the day may come where the down time between opportunities grows wider and wider. Therefore, each audition...each class...each production is a CHERISHED opportunity. It shouldn't be spoiled with fear or doubt. And yes, it is EXPECTED that there could be uncertainty BUT like riding a bike...you never forget how to do it! Just dust off your chops and ENJOY the risks all over again!
I don't think there is a coincidence that for many actors acting is considered our FIRST LOVE. It makes sense. When you fall in love you fall because the way someone makes you feel. You feel confident. You feel wanted. You feel secure. You feel helpful. You feel safe. You feel joy. You feel sexy. You feel important. You feel attractive. You feel silly. You feel comfortable. You feel accepted. You feel yourself. You can't WAIT to see them again. You can't wait to share more of yourSELF with them. You want to be BETTER for them. BUT! Just like being in love, the jealousy, the insecurity, and the neediness...all the ugly parts of it...will ALWAYS make you less attractive.
Technique will be discovered through trial and error...through more or less failure. Through RISKS! It's all part of the process of creation. Learn to expect it and not to fear it. Because just as in real life nothing is constant. But you will discover those moments of pure fulfilment -- THOSE are what you are always striving for! And you can only FIND them in an opportunity.
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